Articles: Collect calls...should you accept the charges?

It's tempting. The guy "collect calls" you, or perhaps he sends you a free smile or a free wink. In any of these cases, he's trying--straightforwardly or by cover of flirtation--to get you to pay to contact him. Should you do it?
 
Before you decide, let's think about the psychology behind the free, non-verbal contact.
 
First, there's the "I actually can't afford the $20 or so to subscribe to the site we're on, so you've got to pay to contact me" case. If that's true, he probably also can't afford to accompany you on more than one date. Even if you go dutch like we do, drinks these days cost an average of $9 apiece. Contacting someone through e-mail costs less than a dollar. Do the math.
 
Real-life example: One of us (not telling who, ahem) accepted a call like this from a cute cartoonist with a very hot website. It soon turned out that the site took all his time and all his money. He couldn't afford to take us out anywhere, ever.
 
Then there's the type who CAN afford to subscribe to the dating site, but chooses not to because he feels it is beneath him. "If they want me, they should contact me," is his motto. In other words, he is skulking in the shadows, hoping someone will buy him a drink but not introducing himself to anyone at the bar. In cases like this, you should prepare for the line Gemini once received: "You don't mind if, like, we don't tell anyone how we met, right?" The mature among us understand that online dating is an art, not a shame. If they're not enjoying the process, how can they expect you to enjoy it with them?
 
A sadly common type is also one who fires off a dozen collect calls to all girls he finds remotely attractive (by photo alone, of course, since who's got time to read all those profiles?). Sometimes his real email is "cleverly" concealed in his profile, and sometimes he's just trying to see whom he can get to pick up the tab. Either way, our issue here is that HE's the one expressing interest, but yet expects YOU to initiate real contact ("winks" carry no personal information whatsoever, leaving the "burden of proof" on you of why you should be in touch with this person--not fair).
 
Finally, the last category of collect callers are good, kind, even attractive men who are just plain tired of spending their online credits and not getting any responses. They send smiles, winks and other free contacts in hopes that they can find out if you're even interested before they toss any more money or pride into the wind. How can you indicate your interest? Simply send a smile or wink back. That's code for "Yes, if you send a real e-mail, I'll send one back." And for once, that's a good kind of silent treatment.
 
[Alert: increasingly now, sites are not allowing for two parties to exchange winks before one spends the money. Sadly, our favorite set of sites, Spring Street Network affiliates (Nerve, MediaBistro, The Onion) are now subscribing to this practice.]