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Pre-Dating: Phone Help
When calling someone for the first time, it's quite helpful to look over that person's online profile (both to give yourself a reminder of what attracted you to them in the first place and to see if something has changed before you speak), as well as to look over your past emails. If it helps, you can even jot down a few notes on what you find interesting about the other person, or what you have in common.
Be attentive to the person on the other end of the line. Ask yourself: Are you doing more talking or more listening? Are you learning something in this conversation? Ask questions of the other person to get the conversation flowing. Conversely, if they're asking all the questions and you're getting no answers in return, try to turn the conversation around.
Know when it's time to hang up. If the conversation feels strained, or if you've been the one talking for the past ten minutes, maybe it's time to go.
How are you? Now... who are you? Hugh Hefner wouldn't be half as sexy if he kept mixing up his bunnies. How did he remember which was Mandy, which was Sandy, which was Candy and which was Myrtle? Surely he took notes, and in the tradition of studs and studettes everywhere, so must you. Whether you want to tie ribbons around your finger or construct an integrated database is up to you; we humbly recommend saving all names, phone numbers and key identifying features next to or on your computer (i.e. Sal, 40, likes to fish. Is allergic to seafood).
Your phone cheat sheet
Before you pick up the phone, fill these out. Then flip to this page before dialing, and you'll always have something interesting to talk about. Of course, these are all about youÑbut they make great prompts for the person on the other end of the line, too.
Your passion
What you're working on now/what takes up your time
A typical day in your life
Pets?
Food preferences?
Siblings?
About your parents
What bores you?
Personal standouts (hiking, art, etc)
What I talk about too much (keep this as a reminder not to dwell)
First phone call no-nos
These are almost always guaranteed to stop a conversation in its tracks, particularly when it's the first conversation.
"What's your deal?" (What does this mean? My reason for living? Personal motto? Favorite poker hand?)
Blatant sex questions. These usually tag you as (a) perverted (b) desperate (c) tactless or (d) all of the above.
Anything too personal. Easy rule: Don't shock 'em before you know 'em.
Marriage and children. Off-limits unless you're asking if they're married now or have children already.
Strong opinions. Don't get us wrong: we'd never suggest you squelch your true feelings to appeal to someone. However, being judgmental, contradictory, or driving your point home at all costs probably won't get you a callback. Just remember: Opinions are like perfume. A little leaves an intriguing impression. Too much really starts to reek.
Exes. Don't touch the topic unless you're asked, and if you're asked, get off the topic ASAP.
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