Pre-Dating: Email Etiquette

How personal is too personal? Do you have a beloved bundle of your most personal, precious hopes, dreams, private thoughts, dark desires, fetishes? Perhaps a diary of lonely love poetry? Notes on your last therapy session? The story of your dear Fluffy's tragic death? These are things to keep to yourselfÑat least until after a successful second date. No one wants to get hit with a sack of personal s...tuff before he or she has even met you. Remember, this person is trying to like you. Don't discourage them.

Don't use your date as your dumping ground. Just because it's easy to talk about everything over e-mail doesn't mean everything should be talked about. It's easy to tell your troubles to a screen, and feel like you're building a serious relationship. But remember, there's a person on the other side of that Internet connectionÑone you haven't met yet. Perhaps you should see your date's face before messing with his head.

If you give away your most personal secrets now, what are you working up to? Hopefully not an arsenal of new troubles you can discuss with each passing date. With time, you may both want to share your most personal experiences, but in the beginning, they're out of contextÑand potentially destructive. A mother loves a baby and its spit-up, but a new friend will just see a ruined coat.

Words of Wisdom:
The screen is not your friend.
Talk to the person on the other side, not the screen.

Personal but public. There are, however, certain issues that should be discussed right away. If you have an ex-spouse and (x) number of children, don't keep that private. If you've spent time in jail or are no longer allowed into the state of Illinois, if you're planning to move to another part of the world in the foreseeable future, or if you've been repeatedly abducted by aliens and expect this to occur on a regular basis, these facts should be addressed as soon as possible. Generally, if it's public to the government, you should make it public to your date. In the case of double agents and CIA informants, disclose at your own risk.

Words of Wisdom:
A.S.K.: Always Seek Knowledge. Or...Avoid Serious Kinks.
(No really, we mean serious KINKS. Think about it.)