| |
Reach out & touch someone: Types of responses
Just like there are very specific types of men you can find online, there are also identifiable patterns of behavior that we can shed light on.
THE INSTIGATOR
In spite of the fact that he initiates contact, he only has nasty things to say to you. This may range from an astute comment about your profile (i.e. "who quotes Steppenwolf? Whatever!") to a personal dig ("Go back to your salt lick, Hamster Girl") to your looks ("Is that your face or did my screen barf?").
Before getting offended, consider: this person spent valuable time and money to tell you this. This could mean one of the following: he's actually interested in you and is completely twisted; you remind him of his ex; he's thirteen (yes, we know his profile says he's 27 and went to UPenn). In any case, what he's really doing is challenging you to write back to him and demonstrate your spitfire nature. Which is, of course, the last thing you should do--unless you're aching for a fight! Responding will only encourage him to keep writing.
If you consider the nature of the beast and still conclude that you *must* respond, consider a bitingly detached FORM LETTER. ("Dear applicant, Thank you for your interest. Unfortunately, your submission does not meet our needs at this time. Best of luck in your future endeavors. Sincerely, The Management.") Miss Manners would approve, and Mr. Offensive will be out of ammunition.
DAILY AFFIRMATIONS
They'd love to tell you that they love you. Or they'd love to tell you that they hate you. But they know they can never date you, and they don't expect to hear back from you. They're just making a STATEMENT.
Examples:
"If only I were a thousand miles closer, I think we'd have a great time together, but we're not, so have a fantastic life."
"I just had to tell you that you're the most stuck-up bitch I've ever seen, and I can't believe you exist."
"You're the reason I joined this site. I have a significant other now, so it's irrelevant, but I had to let you know you're amazing."
When the affirmation is a good one, say thanks and no date, please. (Occasionally, they say they want nothing... but are merely daring you to write back. Gemini spent two weeks fending off a guy who started merely by telling her that he's far too old for her, but hopes she has a great life. She said thanks. In that case, that was a mistake. Be firm, and if someone is harassing you, report them to the site.)
As for nasty comments, just let them go. You'll get good karma for letting the weirdos get this stuff off their chests... and move on.
IS ANYBODY PAYING ATTENTION??!!
They flood your in-box even though your profile asks for very specific things (and specific things that you don't want.) They appear as the exact opposite of everything you ever asked for. And they include some things that you never wanted to have, on top of that. We honestly have no g-rated recommendation here, as these guys piss us off beyond any hope of a polite retort.
| |
