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Introduction:
Top 10 Pieces of Bad Advice About Internet Dating
1. Meet the date ASAP, so that no one gets too involved
and you can quickly move on if this isn't "it."
Scorpio says:
Frankly, I don't have time to meet someone I know next to nothing
about. Court me, woo me, or you won't win me.
If you don't have the time to get to know me over e-mail and
phone, how can you possibly have time for a relationship?
Sure, he/she writes flowing prose. But how will you know if that
letter took five minutes or a whole day (or someone else to write it) until you
hear them talking in real time?
I'm worth effort. If you want fast food, go to McDonald's. Haute
cuisine takes work. (If you're not interested in trying, you're not for me.)
2. Everyone lies online. So an important first question to
ask is, "What in your profile isn't exactly true?"
Gemini says:
Call me Pollyanna, but I never lie in my profile!
If you assume everyone lies, you evidently lie a lot, yourself.
What's next: You're really not 29? Really not an artist? Really not single?
If my profile sounds like a lie to you, I guess you don't
understand me.
Maybe you're hoping something I said is a lie because you want me
to be more like someone else. (I.e. "I assume you were kidding when you said
you do all that yoga and bellydancing, because that would just be weird." I've
actually gotten that comment.)
3. Don't tell anyone how you met.
G&S say:
If you make it into a secret, you're actually
telling your dates they're uncool.
They're online dating too, right? If you think you're "above" it, you probably
shouldn't be part of it. We don't anyone who makes us feel bad about what we
do!
4. Use a fake location so that locals (or exes) won't find
you online.
Scorpio says:
I write to a man whose profile says he's five miles from me, and
find out he's in Toronto. What a waste of time and credits!
Now I know he's a liar: never a good start.
5. Women: play down your academic achievements so that you
don't scare off prospects.
G&S say:
Scuse us, but we're smart and proud of it. We hope the men we
date are proud to be with smart women. Liberation, anyone?
If they're scared off by our academic achievements, that means
we're screening out the right guys.
6. Wait at least (a set number) days before writing back to
anyone. Never be online on Friday or Saturday nights. And if you are, hide your
ID!
Gemini says:
If I hid my profile on Friday nights, I'd miss all the smart guys
who, instead of sulking about not having a date, decided to go online and meet
someone.
People who say "rules are rules" end up killing innocents in
foreign countries. Know what I mean?
If you can't be yourself, you'll never meet your match.
7. Use a pro photo service, or even get a modeling shot done
for your profile.
G&S say:
We'd rather be pleasantly surprised when we meet you than let
down at first sight.
We don't want to walk past you because we don't recognize you.
Modeling shots make us think you're really into yourself. And
they confuse us if we find out you're not a model.
Seriously, NOBODY looks like that, not even the models. Be real.
8. Start by contacting 6-12 people at once, then see who
replies.
Scorpio says:
Unless you've mastered the fine art of juggling many dates at
once, don't expect a second chance if you start with, "I didn't expect to get
so many other responses, so I'd love to talk to you againÉif the others don't
work out."
If you call me Jodie when my name is Jane, ask me about my chimp
when that was Amelia's pet, say "What was your profile name again? Sorry, I
wrote so many e-mailsÉ" it is not going to work.
9. Add humor to your profile and e-mails.
Gemini says:
One friend was contacted by a guy whose profile noted (under Things
I've learned in past relationships),
"Always keep the safety on." I thought he meant "always leave an out." She
thought he meant he'd gotten his last girl pregnant. Turns out he was talking
about guns. Neither of us know whether he was trying to be funny or is just
scary, so that ended fast.
Humor often results in total communication breakdown unless you
are a fantastic comedy writer. Not sure? Run the joke by a trusted friend
before pressing "send." You wouldn't believe how often a joke incites mini
Armageddon because pixels don't come with expressions and friendly voices.
10. Borrow your profile header from someone else.
Scorpio says:
There's nothing more stalker-like than finding out someone is
copying your words. One guy rewrote his profile as a copy of mine and told me we
were exactly alike. Run.
I want the guy who wrote those words, not the guy who copied
them. (If you're quoting great literature, that's something different. I still
want the guy who wrote those words, but so do you, so we have something in
common.)
One word: cheating. If you use my line to attract someone hot, I
think you owe me a date with them.
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